I haven't written in a while, and now that I am back I have picked the prickliest subject there is. Recently in a conversation my right to question domestic Indian policies was brought into question, I was also accused of indulging in soft American democratic psychobabble. I hope the few lines I now think are worth putting down don't sound like defensive whining, but come through like the crystal clear thoughts that they are in my mind.
There are a few kinds of people who will not be open to this discussion. If you truly believe that I have forfeited my rights to take an interest in and talk about my country just because I have decided to further my education and career in the United States, then there is nothing I can say that will make you change your mind. In any case the title of the Blog is not 'In defense of my inalienable right as a citizen to be concerned about and have opinions about my country, its governance system, its policies and its people.' I consider that well and truly defended.
Democracy as a word has become commonplace and innocuous. Its meaning seems abundantly apparent and its importance unquestionable. However, as an ideology democracy is a lot more than just being a government 'Of the people, by the people and for the people.'In fact democracy is the perfect anti ideology, one of its fundamental requirements being that all existing ideologies must be embraced and understood. Is democracy just a system of governance or can it be more than that? Can it be a guideline to living our lives?
Democracy gives us the right to vote for our leaders. It gives us the choice to choose an agenda we believe in, a leader we have confidence in and a chance to speak out every time we believe our trust is being misplaced. Democracy has in a way become synonymous with freedom. The freedom to speak out against injustice, to protest, to make our own choices. But I personally think democracy is a lot more than that. I think democracy is more than being able to speak out, it is the opportunity to listen. It is more than airing opinions, it is about fair and reasonable debate and the opportunity not just to change minds but to have your own mind changed.
Democracy as an ideology embraces empathy. We are all brought up with a considerable moral background, we are taught to understand right and wrong. But it is impossible for us to assume that we can understand every perspective and every circumstance. If we are to live by democratic ideals, we must learn to listen to and understand the circumstances of our fellow human beings. Democracy gives us a platform to bring about not just the change we want, but the change a collective wants.
Does democracy impede progress? That is a question that will have me labeled as a heretic in the country I now live in. However democracy does entail a system that slows down the implementation of policies. As an Indian I cannot see my country moving forward economically as fast as China, because we cannot compare to the swift decision making of a single person. That does not and should not however bog us down. Democracy opens up our perspectives to far greater things than just our own needs. It requires the patience to listen and learn. As a country we need to keep that alive. Within our government and within the next generation. Don't just add to the cacophony, listen.
P.S. This blog was a draft since September 09. I came in to do a New Year's post, but thought I couldn't leave this one unpublished. So Happy New Year ya'll! May new and wondrous things happen to us all!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Inheritance
I have grown up hearing history or reading it. I have always been at the receiving end of accounts of glory, horror, hardship and greatness. I spent a very trouble free childhood. I never had to face or even understand the concept of hardship. I was brought up with a healthy respect for our condition and the awareness of suffering, but I never suffered. In a broader sense I was born in a stable country going through a longer than normal period of constant growth and high promise.
During my childhood, we as a family had to deal with many issues related to ourselves and our position, but there was never anything we had no control over. We lived through some rough times for Bombay as it was then. We saw the riots; we were there during the serial bombings of 93. But curiously, those events seemed far away and not capable of touching us. (Of course I now realize that was because I was too young then. Too young to really grasp horror).
I went through the education system at a time when a new understanding for alternative and exciting fields was beginning. Where parents and children alike were grasping at new careers and better and more efficient ways to mine their talent and interest. I was fortunate enough to be allowed to follow my own heart. Experimenting, hitting cul de sacs sometimes, but having the luxury to learn and retry. I sometimes underestimate this power I had back then. This shield that allowed me to blunder as only a young adult can and yet be able to rise again and prove myself. All allowing me to be who I need to be.
I was never oblivious of my surrounding pain and suffering, I just never had to face it. I could be and was an audience to life's dramas. Without caring about or understanding the implications to my life. I was as carefree and happy go lucky as an audience at a Shakespearean tragedy. My tears were just those shed in sympathy by an audience.
No more. No more have I got this luxury. No more can my generation even think that they are protected. Our jobs are at risk, our lives are at risk. Maybe it’s the frantic urgency of a 24 hr update media frenzy, but it has left me and my fellow people in a state of extreme vulnerability. Our very lives are threatened. I am no longer a listener to the woes of generations before me, but a sympathizer of people my age. I don't have to go to history books to know what a war is like, I just have to turn on the television or even just talk to my boss, who's son is in the Navy.
I don't have to look at grainy black and white photos of people standing in soup lines, I just have to look down the corner of my street. I no longer have to try to imagine the fear of people living under constant threat, I can hear it in the voices of people I care about. I now witness history. Every day, new numbers regarding the state of the global economy. The legacy of the blunders of the past now unfolds at my feet. Careers collapse around me. Companies, giants are falling.
Not only the manmade disasters but the natural disasters come knocking at my door. I saw people swim through floodwaters to get to the basement of my building. I watch the Weather Channel in awe as a hurricane with storm winds stretching for 500 miles threatened to hit the Gulf of Mexico.
My entire generation of people and I have come to face these things which were once fabulous beasts of fantasy. What I couldn’t decide was whether this is a fate unique to my generation, or whether all generations feel this way when they get to be my age. After all when WWII came knocking around, when the Berlin Wall fell, even when the dawn of our Independence and the disaster of our Partition arpproached, there was a generation of twenty to thirty year olds wondering whether such things could be reality.
I finally understand the real nature of what later becomes history. I have figured out that you need to get to a certain age to really do so. I have finally understood the meaning of growing up, or rather of coming of age. You come of age when you understand that not only are you the one impacted by historic events, you are the center of historic events, the cause and the victim all at once. The complexity of the world hits you, the interconnectedness becomes apparent. One understands, we understand, that for all its beauty and its flaws, we have finally inherited the Earth.
During my childhood, we as a family had to deal with many issues related to ourselves and our position, but there was never anything we had no control over. We lived through some rough times for Bombay as it was then. We saw the riots; we were there during the serial bombings of 93. But curiously, those events seemed far away and not capable of touching us. (Of course I now realize that was because I was too young then. Too young to really grasp horror).
I went through the education system at a time when a new understanding for alternative and exciting fields was beginning. Where parents and children alike were grasping at new careers and better and more efficient ways to mine their talent and interest. I was fortunate enough to be allowed to follow my own heart. Experimenting, hitting cul de sacs sometimes, but having the luxury to learn and retry. I sometimes underestimate this power I had back then. This shield that allowed me to blunder as only a young adult can and yet be able to rise again and prove myself. All allowing me to be who I need to be.
I was never oblivious of my surrounding pain and suffering, I just never had to face it. I could be and was an audience to life's dramas. Without caring about or understanding the implications to my life. I was as carefree and happy go lucky as an audience at a Shakespearean tragedy. My tears were just those shed in sympathy by an audience.
No more. No more have I got this luxury. No more can my generation even think that they are protected. Our jobs are at risk, our lives are at risk. Maybe it’s the frantic urgency of a 24 hr update media frenzy, but it has left me and my fellow people in a state of extreme vulnerability. Our very lives are threatened. I am no longer a listener to the woes of generations before me, but a sympathizer of people my age. I don't have to go to history books to know what a war is like, I just have to turn on the television or even just talk to my boss, who's son is in the Navy.
I don't have to look at grainy black and white photos of people standing in soup lines, I just have to look down the corner of my street. I no longer have to try to imagine the fear of people living under constant threat, I can hear it in the voices of people I care about. I now witness history. Every day, new numbers regarding the state of the global economy. The legacy of the blunders of the past now unfolds at my feet. Careers collapse around me. Companies, giants are falling.
Not only the manmade disasters but the natural disasters come knocking at my door. I saw people swim through floodwaters to get to the basement of my building. I watch the Weather Channel in awe as a hurricane with storm winds stretching for 500 miles threatened to hit the Gulf of Mexico.
My entire generation of people and I have come to face these things which were once fabulous beasts of fantasy. What I couldn’t decide was whether this is a fate unique to my generation, or whether all generations feel this way when they get to be my age. After all when WWII came knocking around, when the Berlin Wall fell, even when the dawn of our Independence and the disaster of our Partition arpproached, there was a generation of twenty to thirty year olds wondering whether such things could be reality.
I finally understand the real nature of what later becomes history. I have figured out that you need to get to a certain age to really do so. I have finally understood the meaning of growing up, or rather of coming of age. You come of age when you understand that not only are you the one impacted by historic events, you are the center of historic events, the cause and the victim all at once. The complexity of the world hits you, the interconnectedness becomes apparent. One understands, we understand, that for all its beauty and its flaws, we have finally inherited the Earth.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Mind's Eye
Why does one write, when one writes? Who knows? I have no answers to my own whims and fancies concerning penning down my thoughts. Things sometimes seem important enough to write about and then sometimes things are too important to write about. I am trying to find a way of expressing myself without laying myself bare to the world. I want to be able to communicate my fears and anxieties without seeming either fearful or anxious. I wish to hide myself and let myself be known. I wish to find a razor thin edge of sanity among a maze of contradictions.
The only thing that keeps bringing me back here and keeps making me send my blog link to everyone is my desire to write. I don't think it has anything to do at all with expressing myself, making myself heard or known (at least not too much of that). It's about this overwhelming need to put thoughts down into words. See them form sentences that roll off the tongue and inspire thoughts. A lot of my writing is pure vanity. I don't think that is any great revelation, and I am in no way repelled by that thought (you might be). But yes, for me prose needs not just to be substantial but beautiful. It needs to be lyrical. Sometimes utter nonsense can seem so magical. The beauty lies in the structure of the prose. In its form, in the grace of its flow, in the atmosphere it creates. The words may not inform you of anything new and wondrous and yet the best prose is that that makes the old and tired wondrous by the very act of stating it.
Writing is a very personal experience. I am always in awe of people who can open themselves to the world with such abandon. I periodically get scared of these thoughts and withdraw from expressing myself through the one medium I can manage. I not only want to write, I was meant to write. My voice is not my vehicle of choice. I cannot make myself heard over a crowd. When I draw or paint, I can never convey exactly what I mean to. The beautiful drawing so fully formed within my brain, with such beautiful colors, with such poignant figures, can never be communicated to the world through my hands. My art is for my mind's eye alone. I am no athelete. My body has no perfection which it can convey through movement. I cannot take anyone's breath away by a display of grace. What remains are words.
They are my only and constant companions. I devour them each day by the thousands. I create them each day, renew them from old origins and mould them to become mine. I train them to be all my eyes, hands and body can never be. I use them to cast the reader's mind into a state that is all new and all mine. Do I succeed? Success is irrelevant. I am no famous author. I do not have any obligations to entertain or inform. I have no bars I need to reach. No finish lines to cross, no deadlines to meet. I am in my way free. Free to write what I want to. Free to be.
Do I envy success? Hell yes. Do I want to be as famous as the famous? Hell yes. But right now. With what I have, I am happy. I am happy to be able to do at least what I can. I need not be agreed with. I need not be annoyed with. I just get to be me. I try to make my prose all I think it needs to be. I try. That's the best I can do or say.
The only thing that keeps bringing me back here and keeps making me send my blog link to everyone is my desire to write. I don't think it has anything to do at all with expressing myself, making myself heard or known (at least not too much of that). It's about this overwhelming need to put thoughts down into words. See them form sentences that roll off the tongue and inspire thoughts. A lot of my writing is pure vanity. I don't think that is any great revelation, and I am in no way repelled by that thought (you might be). But yes, for me prose needs not just to be substantial but beautiful. It needs to be lyrical. Sometimes utter nonsense can seem so magical. The beauty lies in the structure of the prose. In its form, in the grace of its flow, in the atmosphere it creates. The words may not inform you of anything new and wondrous and yet the best prose is that that makes the old and tired wondrous by the very act of stating it.
Writing is a very personal experience. I am always in awe of people who can open themselves to the world with such abandon. I periodically get scared of these thoughts and withdraw from expressing myself through the one medium I can manage. I not only want to write, I was meant to write. My voice is not my vehicle of choice. I cannot make myself heard over a crowd. When I draw or paint, I can never convey exactly what I mean to. The beautiful drawing so fully formed within my brain, with such beautiful colors, with such poignant figures, can never be communicated to the world through my hands. My art is for my mind's eye alone. I am no athelete. My body has no perfection which it can convey through movement. I cannot take anyone's breath away by a display of grace. What remains are words.
They are my only and constant companions. I devour them each day by the thousands. I create them each day, renew them from old origins and mould them to become mine. I train them to be all my eyes, hands and body can never be. I use them to cast the reader's mind into a state that is all new and all mine. Do I succeed? Success is irrelevant. I am no famous author. I do not have any obligations to entertain or inform. I have no bars I need to reach. No finish lines to cross, no deadlines to meet. I am in my way free. Free to write what I want to. Free to be.
Do I envy success? Hell yes. Do I want to be as famous as the famous? Hell yes. But right now. With what I have, I am happy. I am happy to be able to do at least what I can. I need not be agreed with. I need not be annoyed with. I just get to be me. I try to make my prose all I think it needs to be. I try. That's the best I can do or say.
tagged!
Sukanti tagged me. Well kinda sorta. Anyway, if you've read the post before this you will know my state of mind about writing right now. This is an easy way out. I have questions, I have structure. I just need to answer stuff. And it's pretty entertaining to boot. So here goes:
1.Been arrested?
Nope. Boring is my middle name.
2 . Thought your cousin was hot?
Nah.. trying to remember, but I'm pretty sure I haven't.
3. Been in love?
Yup.
4. Gone over the speed limit?
No. See explanation in answer 1.
5. Painted your room?
My dream to do so. Haven't yet.
6. Danced in front of your mirror?
Nope. I don't dance. period.
7. Gotten in a car with people you just met?
Come to think of it I have. It just isn't as sinister as this question makes it out to be.
8. Snuck out of your house?
Nope. Always managed to make excuses. :)
9. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?
Yup. Story of my life.
10. Been dumped?
Nope. Left a bad relationship, but no dumpings yet.
11. Left your house without telling your parents?
Nope actually. I thought I might have, but never.
12. Had a crush on your neighbor?
Hmm... nope.. Had many crushes. Never neighbors though
13. Slept in a bed with a member of the same or opposite sex ?
uhh.. bed no... together on mattresses laid out on the floor.. yes...
14. Seen someone die?
yes... tht's all i have to say abt tht
15. Kissed a picture?
nope... never been that sentimental
16. Slept in until 3?
nope...
17. Love someone or miss someone right now?
yes... but not in a sad way at all.. and its not what you think... i miss and love a lot of people right now..
18. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?
yup... not as often as i wish i could tho..
19. Played dress up?
not really... remember getting in sari gear once tho..
20. Cheated while playing a game?
sure.. i should be arrested when i play card games...
21. Been lonely?
yup... very..
22. Fallen asleep at work/school?
nope... not because am dedicated, diligent etc.. just cause those are really interesting places you know..
23. Been to a club?
been to bars... havent been to a club yet... see answer one to qualify these responses
24. Felt an earthquake?
yup... once.. the bhuj earthquake.. it hit us in bombay.. i was brushing my teeh and wondering why my bathroom sink was pushing back at me before i realized what was happening..
25. Touched a snake?
nope.. dont think am missing out on anything tho
26. Made out in a movie theater?
yup..
27. Been in a car accident?
nope...
28. Hated the way you look?
Yes.
29. Witnessed a crime?
nope..
30. Been lost?
hmmm.. cant remember... dont think so..
31. Been to the opposite side of the country?
been to west coast USA and east coast India... so yeah..
32. Felt like dying from embarrassment?
yup...
33. Cried yourself to sleep?
nope... i do the crying way before bedtime..
34. Sang karaoke?
nope.. would like to tho..
35. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do?
yes... not proud..
36. Kissed in the rain?
yup...
37. Sung in the shower?
yup.. its a recurring disastrous occurrence...
38. Played getting married?
no way!..
39. Ever gone to school partially nude?
again.. no way!
40. Ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?
yeh... and i dont watch gore btw... never...
41. Had crush on married man/ woman
real live not on celluloid married men??.. never!
42. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger?
Yeah... this real sweet old lady told me once...
43. Broken a bone?
nope..
44. Been easily amused?
always!
45. Laugh so hard you cry?
many many times..
46. Cheated on a test?
never..
47. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours?
nope.. i think 3 hours tops..
48. Cheated on a girlfriend/boyfriend?
nope..
49. Did you celebrate the 4th of July?
nope..
50. Felt like someone?
yeh... tht's happened.. its weird..
51. Thought about running away?
yup... but very ambiguously
52. Cried over someone?
yup..
53. Own an instrument?
yes... harmonium
54. Drank 25 sodas in a day?
nooo..
55. Shot a gun?
nope... never want to try..
56. Been on facebook or orkut for more than 5 hours?
nope.. i have ADD
57. Have a major crush on someone right now?
kinda sorta... nothing serious..
58. Thought about what people would say at your funeral?
yup... never worried abt it tho..
59. Got frustrated because someone didn’t kiss you?
hmmm.. dont remember feeling tht way..
60. Followed someone secretely
nope... unless stalking on orkut counts :)
1.Been arrested?
Nope. Boring is my middle name.
2 . Thought your cousin was hot?
Nah.. trying to remember, but I'm pretty sure I haven't.
3. Been in love?
Yup.
4. Gone over the speed limit?
No. See explanation in answer 1.
5. Painted your room?
My dream to do so. Haven't yet.
6. Danced in front of your mirror?
Nope. I don't dance. period.
7. Gotten in a car with people you just met?
Come to think of it I have. It just isn't as sinister as this question makes it out to be.
8. Snuck out of your house?
Nope. Always managed to make excuses. :)
9. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?
Yup. Story of my life.
10. Been dumped?
Nope. Left a bad relationship, but no dumpings yet.
11. Left your house without telling your parents?
Nope actually. I thought I might have, but never.
12. Had a crush on your neighbor?
Hmm... nope.. Had many crushes. Never neighbors though
13. Slept in a bed with a member of the same or opposite sex ?
uhh.. bed no... together on mattresses laid out on the floor.. yes...
14. Seen someone die?
yes... tht's all i have to say abt tht
15. Kissed a picture?
nope... never been that sentimental
16. Slept in until 3?
nope...
17. Love someone or miss someone right now?
yes... but not in a sad way at all.. and its not what you think... i miss and love a lot of people right now..
18. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?
yup... not as often as i wish i could tho..
19. Played dress up?
not really... remember getting in sari gear once tho..
20. Cheated while playing a game?
sure.. i should be arrested when i play card games...
21. Been lonely?
yup... very..
22. Fallen asleep at work/school?
nope... not because am dedicated, diligent etc.. just cause those are really interesting places you know..
23. Been to a club?
been to bars... havent been to a club yet... see answer one to qualify these responses
24. Felt an earthquake?
yup... once.. the bhuj earthquake.. it hit us in bombay.. i was brushing my teeh and wondering why my bathroom sink was pushing back at me before i realized what was happening..
25. Touched a snake?
nope.. dont think am missing out on anything tho
26. Made out in a movie theater?
yup..
27. Been in a car accident?
nope...
28. Hated the way you look?
Yes.
29. Witnessed a crime?
nope..
30. Been lost?
hmmm.. cant remember... dont think so..
31. Been to the opposite side of the country?
been to west coast USA and east coast India... so yeah..
32. Felt like dying from embarrassment?
yup...
33. Cried yourself to sleep?
nope... i do the crying way before bedtime..
34. Sang karaoke?
nope.. would like to tho..
35. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do?
yes... not proud..
36. Kissed in the rain?
yup...
37. Sung in the shower?
yup.. its a recurring disastrous occurrence...
38. Played getting married?
no way!..
39. Ever gone to school partially nude?
again.. no way!
40. Ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?
yeh... and i dont watch gore btw... never...
41. Had crush on married man/ woman
real live not on celluloid married men??.. never!
42. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger?
Yeah... this real sweet old lady told me once...
43. Broken a bone?
nope..
44. Been easily amused?
always!
45. Laugh so hard you cry?
many many times..
46. Cheated on a test?
never..
47. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours?
nope.. i think 3 hours tops..
48. Cheated on a girlfriend/boyfriend?
nope..
49. Did you celebrate the 4th of July?
nope..
50. Felt like someone?
yeh... tht's happened.. its weird..
51. Thought about running away?
yup... but very ambiguously
52. Cried over someone?
yup..
53. Own an instrument?
yes... harmonium
54. Drank 25 sodas in a day?
nooo..
55. Shot a gun?
nope... never want to try..
56. Been on facebook or orkut for more than 5 hours?
nope.. i have ADD
57. Have a major crush on someone right now?
kinda sorta... nothing serious..
58. Thought about what people would say at your funeral?
yup... never worried abt it tho..
59. Got frustrated because someone didn’t kiss you?
hmmm.. dont remember feeling tht way..
60. Followed someone secretely
nope... unless stalking on orkut counts :)
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Identity
In a purely philosophical sense, the question 'who am I?' opens many doors which in turn seem to open many others in their wake. It is not just a slightly egotistic exercise for the mind, it is also a tool for self realization.
The answers to that question are myriad. Ranging from the specific, my name is ABC, son/daughter of DEF, etc., to the extremely vague, where even the existence of reality may be questioned, where sensory perceptions can be fooled and anything can happen.
Our identity is wrapped up in a thousand different colored threads. Each represents a different part of our life that has claim on us. I am an animal, a mammal, a human, a woman, a daughter, a friend, a cousin, a student, an employee, a writer, a movie addict, and so on and so forth. At any given time I am an undefinable combination of all that makes me. I am as common and as unique as any one of us. That combination of beings within one is never of the same balance in any of us. We may have many beings in common but probably as many apart.
The 'self' is a very tricky thing. After all no one can experience me like I can. Each of our worlds do revolve around us. They must. You alone perceive your surroundings. You may be taught and instructed and commanded. But the experience of your actions comes through you. When I try to understand selflessness, I generally fail. I know that in the English language that word is tied up with a positive connotation. It is associated with people who seem to be paragons of virtue. Who leave self aside and live only for others. I simply cannot see how. I personally do not believe it is possible to be without self, without identity.
To do good for others does not mean to deny self. Even if it may translate very literally like that sometimes, where you give your bread to someone else so that they may survive. Even in such a case, the self has not disappeared. There is gratification in doing good. It is impossible to simply remove yourself from any situation. You can make a decision which may be better for someone else rather than you, but you have not left the knowledge of yourself anywhere, it is there with you essentially there, for all time.
We our born with our own lots. We are our own keepers. We may identify with others, we may love others, we may seek out others, but the only thing that will never desert us is ourselves. This realization is not as self evident as you might think it is. It takes time for a person to realize that to make yourself happy and content is one of the only priorities in life. Without self happiness, you cannot help anyone else. Only if you are content can you really help others be content. You can then love with everything you have because then there will be no resentment, no ugliness. You must have self worth and happiness in order to be a good daughter, mother, wife, citizen, good anything really.
I guess what I really wanted to say through all this rambling is that happiness that comes through being content with one's self, is the only pure kind. It brings no envy, no bitterness and it shines through and multiplies. Understanding one's self, understanding all the facets of one's identity and learning to live with it, that's all we need to do.
Now that sounds easy dunnit? heheheheheehe
The answers to that question are myriad. Ranging from the specific, my name is ABC, son/daughter of DEF, etc., to the extremely vague, where even the existence of reality may be questioned, where sensory perceptions can be fooled and anything can happen.
Our identity is wrapped up in a thousand different colored threads. Each represents a different part of our life that has claim on us. I am an animal, a mammal, a human, a woman, a daughter, a friend, a cousin, a student, an employee, a writer, a movie addict, and so on and so forth. At any given time I am an undefinable combination of all that makes me. I am as common and as unique as any one of us. That combination of beings within one is never of the same balance in any of us. We may have many beings in common but probably as many apart.
The 'self' is a very tricky thing. After all no one can experience me like I can. Each of our worlds do revolve around us. They must. You alone perceive your surroundings. You may be taught and instructed and commanded. But the experience of your actions comes through you. When I try to understand selflessness, I generally fail. I know that in the English language that word is tied up with a positive connotation. It is associated with people who seem to be paragons of virtue. Who leave self aside and live only for others. I simply cannot see how. I personally do not believe it is possible to be without self, without identity.
To do good for others does not mean to deny self. Even if it may translate very literally like that sometimes, where you give your bread to someone else so that they may survive. Even in such a case, the self has not disappeared. There is gratification in doing good. It is impossible to simply remove yourself from any situation. You can make a decision which may be better for someone else rather than you, but you have not left the knowledge of yourself anywhere, it is there with you essentially there, for all time.
We our born with our own lots. We are our own keepers. We may identify with others, we may love others, we may seek out others, but the only thing that will never desert us is ourselves. This realization is not as self evident as you might think it is. It takes time for a person to realize that to make yourself happy and content is one of the only priorities in life. Without self happiness, you cannot help anyone else. Only if you are content can you really help others be content. You can then love with everything you have because then there will be no resentment, no ugliness. You must have self worth and happiness in order to be a good daughter, mother, wife, citizen, good anything really.
I guess what I really wanted to say through all this rambling is that happiness that comes through being content with one's self, is the only pure kind. It brings no envy, no bitterness and it shines through and multiplies. Understanding one's self, understanding all the facets of one's identity and learning to live with it, that's all we need to do.
Now that sounds easy dunnit? heheheheheehe
Monday, June 30, 2008
Strength
It is the single most important virtue in our lives. The strength to motivate ourselves, the strength to have a vision of a better life, the strength to work, the strength to let ourselves hang loose, the strength to open up to others, the strength to deal with the darkest secrets of others and ourselves. It is strength that you need when you must deal with deprivation and scarcity. It is strength you need when you must deal with temptation and seduction. It is strength you need when making moral choices. It is strength you need when you are the one called upon to take care of others, be those others a family of three or a society of a million.
It is the one thing I pray for. It is the one thing I never want to run out of. Both physically and mentally, I want to be strong for myself and all others whose lives I touch in the smallest way. It is the one thing I wish upon every person in this world. The strength to take a stand, to be themselves, to resist peer pressure, to fight, to care, to love. That's all we need. Strength.
It is the one thing I pray for. It is the one thing I never want to run out of. Both physically and mentally, I want to be strong for myself and all others whose lives I touch in the smallest way. It is the one thing I wish upon every person in this world. The strength to take a stand, to be themselves, to resist peer pressure, to fight, to care, to love. That's all we need. Strength.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Chaos and Fractals
I am now going to slump back into one of those philosophical musings that I sometimes do. The fact that this time philosophy not only coincides with but mingles and is born from science is in itself an event worthy of mention. Fine!, so the geek-o-meter on this post is set to high. I admit and embrace my geekiness.
I recently have taken a class that required me to understand the physicist's version of what chaos is. I also learned about what the Butterfly effect is and how any of this makes any difference to me. I got hooked. Not just because of the far reaching consequences of understanding chaotic systems, but also the elegance that lies within one. The patterns that are evident beneath and its effects on our understanding of the Universe.
All my friends who have had anything to do with physics, will know what I mean by a deterministic system. Determinism is the basis of a lot of physics. All systems that are deterministic show a very defined relationship between cause and effect. This is a part of Newtonian physics. We believe that if we can understand the initial conditions of a system, and mathematically compute all its interactions, we can reasonably predict the outcomes down the line. The path of planetary orbits were calculated this way rather reasonably.
However things were not quite as simple as they seemed. Since measurement is one of the cornerstones of science, a lot depends on the accuracy of these measurements of the initial conditions. Earlier it was thought that a very small discrepancy could hardly affect the outcomes of the systems. However Edward Lorenz in 1961, found out that that was entirely wrong. Some systems, especially weather systems, show very remarkable sensitivity to the initial conditions. So remarkable in fact that it lead Lorenz to hypothesize that the fluttering of the wings of a butterfly could change the conditions enough to create a cyclone in the future. Thus giving birth to the term, the 'Butterfly Effect'. (Women, stop thinking of Ashton Kutcher now!)
Such systems, showing this sensitivity were called chaotic systems. This chaos however again has nothing to do with the frenzy associated with the lay use of the word. Scientists soon found some patterns hidden within this chaos. These were termed as 'attractors'. The famous 'Lorenz Attractor' actually does look like a butterfly weirdly :)
Image on the left, is a plot of the Lorenz Attractor taken from Wikipedia. Patterns in chaos meant something very interesting. We may have a problem predicting systems right now, but if patterns exist, then can't they be explained by some sort of equation? Finding equations is apparently the no. 1 preoccupation of physicists.
Now comes the more interesting part. People who have fallen asleep can wake up now. What is a little more fun about these patterns in chaos, is the structures they create. Some attractors were found to consists of self similar structures known as fractals.
Fractals are probably one of the most fascinating geometries in the world. What is meant by self similar is that every part of the fractal when magnified consists of the entire structure of the fractal. This keeps on going ad infinitum till it is resolved to its smallest structure, and it creates insanely beautiful things. To put this in perspective, DNA is a fractal. So are mountain ranges, coastlines, snowflakes, etc. Nature abounds in examples of fractal geometries and scientists are extremely excited about that.
Why am I excited? and why do I subject you to this lecture? Well its a two part answer. Fractals and computer generated fractal images spoke to me, like no other art form has ever done. Every new image I see just makes me gasp in wonder. It opens up lines of thought I did not think I was deep enough to have. I am going to attach a few images. You will see for yourself, the beauty of these images.
Secondly, this is one scientific theory that makes sense to me. I can understand why anyone would pursue a lifetime trying to understand this. It epitomizes all that I believe science should epitomize. It is truly inter disciplinary. It has repercussions all throughout the physical world, from space to DNA. It is just beautiful and elegant. These I believe are reasons enough to care.
I shall leave you with some gasping and awing. Here are a few images of fractal art I found.
The above image is entitled 'Spectral Staircase'
This one is called 'Birds of Paradise'.
The resolution is not the greatest on these as they are on the post, so do click to enlarge. I am adding the URL to the site where you can see these and many other fractal images created by this artist. http://content.techrepublic.com.com/2346-10878_11-33277.html?tag=gald
Also I will give you the URL to a website where you can download a fractal creator if you would like. You can actually feed in basic equations to create your own fractals and can select color schemes etc. http://www.majorgeeks.com/Fractal_Forge_d4493.html
To all the people who's website links and images I have used, please don't be upset. None of this is for profit. In fact I just thought it would be great to let people know about this.
So, I am expecting comments, I hope I get some. Don't think of this as a boring science lecture. I encourage you to explore these topics. I do believe they hold a fascination for anyone, not only those connected with science.
I recently have taken a class that required me to understand the physicist's version of what chaos is. I also learned about what the Butterfly effect is and how any of this makes any difference to me. I got hooked. Not just because of the far reaching consequences of understanding chaotic systems, but also the elegance that lies within one. The patterns that are evident beneath and its effects on our understanding of the Universe.
All my friends who have had anything to do with physics, will know what I mean by a deterministic system. Determinism is the basis of a lot of physics. All systems that are deterministic show a very defined relationship between cause and effect. This is a part of Newtonian physics. We believe that if we can understand the initial conditions of a system, and mathematically compute all its interactions, we can reasonably predict the outcomes down the line. The path of planetary orbits were calculated this way rather reasonably.
However things were not quite as simple as they seemed. Since measurement is one of the cornerstones of science, a lot depends on the accuracy of these measurements of the initial conditions. Earlier it was thought that a very small discrepancy could hardly affect the outcomes of the systems. However Edward Lorenz in 1961, found out that that was entirely wrong. Some systems, especially weather systems, show very remarkable sensitivity to the initial conditions. So remarkable in fact that it lead Lorenz to hypothesize that the fluttering of the wings of a butterfly could change the conditions enough to create a cyclone in the future. Thus giving birth to the term, the 'Butterfly Effect'. (Women, stop thinking of Ashton Kutcher now!)
Such systems, showing this sensitivity were called chaotic systems. This chaos however again has nothing to do with the frenzy associated with the lay use of the word. Scientists soon found some patterns hidden within this chaos. These were termed as 'attractors'. The famous 'Lorenz Attractor' actually does look like a butterfly weirdly :)
Image on the left, is a plot of the Lorenz Attractor taken from Wikipedia. Patterns in chaos meant something very interesting. We may have a problem predicting systems right now, but if patterns exist, then can't they be explained by some sort of equation? Finding equations is apparently the no. 1 preoccupation of physicists.
Now comes the more interesting part. People who have fallen asleep can wake up now. What is a little more fun about these patterns in chaos, is the structures they create. Some attractors were found to consists of self similar structures known as fractals.
Fractals are probably one of the most fascinating geometries in the world. What is meant by self similar is that every part of the fractal when magnified consists of the entire structure of the fractal. This keeps on going ad infinitum till it is resolved to its smallest structure, and it creates insanely beautiful things. To put this in perspective, DNA is a fractal. So are mountain ranges, coastlines, snowflakes, etc. Nature abounds in examples of fractal geometries and scientists are extremely excited about that.
Why am I excited? and why do I subject you to this lecture? Well its a two part answer. Fractals and computer generated fractal images spoke to me, like no other art form has ever done. Every new image I see just makes me gasp in wonder. It opens up lines of thought I did not think I was deep enough to have. I am going to attach a few images. You will see for yourself, the beauty of these images.
Secondly, this is one scientific theory that makes sense to me. I can understand why anyone would pursue a lifetime trying to understand this. It epitomizes all that I believe science should epitomize. It is truly inter disciplinary. It has repercussions all throughout the physical world, from space to DNA. It is just beautiful and elegant. These I believe are reasons enough to care.
I shall leave you with some gasping and awing. Here are a few images of fractal art I found.
The above image is entitled 'Spectral Staircase'
This one is called 'Birds of Paradise'.
The resolution is not the greatest on these as they are on the post, so do click to enlarge. I am adding the URL to the site where you can see these and many other fractal images created by this artist. http://content.techrepublic.com.com/2346-10878_11-33277.html?tag=gald
Also I will give you the URL to a website where you can download a fractal creator if you would like. You can actually feed in basic equations to create your own fractals and can select color schemes etc. http://www.majorgeeks.com/Fractal_Forge_d4493.html
To all the people who's website links and images I have used, please don't be upset. None of this is for profit. In fact I just thought it would be great to let people know about this.
So, I am expecting comments, I hope I get some. Don't think of this as a boring science lecture. I encourage you to explore these topics. I do believe they hold a fascination for anyone, not only those connected with science.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Embracing Bollywood
For some of you out there, this post is going to seem really out of character for me. After all the cribbing and snuffing of Karan Johar and his lot, people may have started to think that I do not care for our movie industry. That I spurn Yash Chopra for James Cameron. But today I want to put these speculations to rest. Whatever our problems, however scarce actual scriptwriters are and however much the other ones spend on old Hollywood DVDs, I still embrace this industry as an integral part of my growing up and I publicly acknowledge that I am grateful for it.
Right from the old scratchy black and white marvels, such as CID and Bhoot Bangla, through the piled up hairstyles of Sharmila Tagore, through the faux western piece of genius Sholay, through the young heroes debuting in QSQT, MPK and Baazigar to their eventual stardom and to some nuanced performances in new age movies. All through this, I have enjoyed the ride.
Our family was one that enjoyed their movie watching experience. The world of movies was therefore open to me at a very young age. Such was the prodigious nature of the love, that all forms of cinema were equally revered. I saw Hrishikesh Mukherji gems like 'Satyakaam' and 'Chupke Chupke' with equal interest as Manmohan Desai films like 'Amar Akbar Anthony'.
There are many things in Indian cinema that require you to suspend your belief. For e.g. Sanjay Dutt driving in a car on Marine Drive singing a song and as he is just about to reach Nariman Point, the scene suddenly changes to the serene mountains of Switzerland. Switzerland!!.. Somebody show me that shortcut!
But there has to be something said about the magic of the movies. There is stuff for every one's tastes. Middle aged heroes pretend to be 20 years old and go to college, but that it seems is exactly what 16 year old girls want to see. For the older folk, there are stars like Om Prakash and Utpal Dutt. For adults there are some very serious and surprisingly insightful moves like 'Arth' and 'Ardha Satya'. For the housewives trying to escape into worlds that don't involve cutting vegetables and shouting at bais, there are the super luxurious Chopra productions and now the Johar movies. Like I said there's something for everyone.
I realize that for me, the more important thing is the stories. I realize that my all embracing and somewhat eccentric tastes do have a very common core. The story. I am a sucker for two types of stories. The complete formula stories (Sports movies, Love stories, Mysteries) and the complete opposite, which says hell to formula, we'll have some innovation please.
It seems weird to think that I can enjoy both equally. But there is a weird sense of rhythm and comfort in the formulaic tearjerker or inspirational film and a sense of excitement and newness to the other type of movie.
I will leave you with a list of the ten best Hindi movies I have seen (in no particular order). It'll be great if you guys can comment and lemme know about yours. This post is about nostalgia. It'll be great to sit and reminisce, even if it is in the comments column :)
Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar
Sholay
Andaz Apna Apna
Satyakaam
Golmaal
Namak Haram
Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa
Lagaan
Abhimaan
Muskurahat
Right from the old scratchy black and white marvels, such as CID and Bhoot Bangla, through the piled up hairstyles of Sharmila Tagore, through the faux western piece of genius Sholay, through the young heroes debuting in QSQT, MPK and Baazigar to their eventual stardom and to some nuanced performances in new age movies. All through this, I have enjoyed the ride.
Our family was one that enjoyed their movie watching experience. The world of movies was therefore open to me at a very young age. Such was the prodigious nature of the love, that all forms of cinema were equally revered. I saw Hrishikesh Mukherji gems like 'Satyakaam' and 'Chupke Chupke' with equal interest as Manmohan Desai films like 'Amar Akbar Anthony'.
There are many things in Indian cinema that require you to suspend your belief. For e.g. Sanjay Dutt driving in a car on Marine Drive singing a song and as he is just about to reach Nariman Point, the scene suddenly changes to the serene mountains of Switzerland. Switzerland!!.. Somebody show me that shortcut!
But there has to be something said about the magic of the movies. There is stuff for every one's tastes. Middle aged heroes pretend to be 20 years old and go to college, but that it seems is exactly what 16 year old girls want to see. For the older folk, there are stars like Om Prakash and Utpal Dutt. For adults there are some very serious and surprisingly insightful moves like 'Arth' and 'Ardha Satya'. For the housewives trying to escape into worlds that don't involve cutting vegetables and shouting at bais, there are the super luxurious Chopra productions and now the Johar movies. Like I said there's something for everyone.
I realize that for me, the more important thing is the stories. I realize that my all embracing and somewhat eccentric tastes do have a very common core. The story. I am a sucker for two types of stories. The complete formula stories (Sports movies, Love stories, Mysteries) and the complete opposite, which says hell to formula, we'll have some innovation please.
It seems weird to think that I can enjoy both equally. But there is a weird sense of rhythm and comfort in the formulaic tearjerker or inspirational film and a sense of excitement and newness to the other type of movie.
I will leave you with a list of the ten best Hindi movies I have seen (in no particular order). It'll be great if you guys can comment and lemme know about yours. This post is about nostalgia. It'll be great to sit and reminisce, even if it is in the comments column :)
Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar
Sholay
Andaz Apna Apna
Satyakaam
Golmaal
Namak Haram
Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa
Lagaan
Abhimaan
Muskurahat
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Conventional Wisdom
What would the world be like if no one told us what it is like? This is not as absurd a question as it might seem. What would things be like if we had to discover everything by ourselves. If no conventional wisdom existed, if no one had theories, if no one told, taught, dictated or ordered. Quite unimaginable isn't it?
We are a society you say. We are curious, we ask, we learn, we have an innate need to spread knowledge, spread the word. All this is true, and may even be the answer to why conventional wisdom exists. But what if it didn't?
What if everyday was a discovery unto oneself? What if no appropriate feelings or words existed, but the ones we utter? What if?
It would definitely not be a functional world. No civilization would exist, no society and no greatness. We would be like animals I guess (I don't know of course, but maybe). Its just a state of mind we can imagine ourselves in. Imagine us as free from all rules, all theories. There is nothing but our minds.
I wonder if in such a case, I would have the potential to figure things out for myself. To understand that there is a force that pulls me to the earth. To figure out words and communication. I wonder if all that knowledge is even necessary for me to have a fulfilling life. This is all a fantasy, but one that is unusually freeing for my mind.
I mention this just to illustrate the power others' thoughts have on our existence. We live and die by others principles. We fight for others' beliefs, we kill for the appeasement of others. Wars are fought on the dictates of others. Peace is sought for the happiness of others.
This is not however a correct representation of our lives. Free will is what separates us from just becoming other people's playthings. We make a choice to believe. We make a choice to agree, to dissent, to love and hate. What is still ours is our ability to analyze and understand others' thoughts.
You must therefore understand that though we are indebted to others' lives for our daily wisdom, we are ultimately responsible for our actions resulting from it. We cannot be sheep, we cannot just follow. Even if we rely on others' work, we must take the responsibility to make our own choice.
We are a society you say. We are curious, we ask, we learn, we have an innate need to spread knowledge, spread the word. All this is true, and may even be the answer to why conventional wisdom exists. But what if it didn't?
What if everyday was a discovery unto oneself? What if no appropriate feelings or words existed, but the ones we utter? What if?
It would definitely not be a functional world. No civilization would exist, no society and no greatness. We would be like animals I guess (I don't know of course, but maybe). Its just a state of mind we can imagine ourselves in. Imagine us as free from all rules, all theories. There is nothing but our minds.
I wonder if in such a case, I would have the potential to figure things out for myself. To understand that there is a force that pulls me to the earth. To figure out words and communication. I wonder if all that knowledge is even necessary for me to have a fulfilling life. This is all a fantasy, but one that is unusually freeing for my mind.
I mention this just to illustrate the power others' thoughts have on our existence. We live and die by others principles. We fight for others' beliefs, we kill for the appeasement of others. Wars are fought on the dictates of others. Peace is sought for the happiness of others.
This is not however a correct representation of our lives. Free will is what separates us from just becoming other people's playthings. We make a choice to believe. We make a choice to agree, to dissent, to love and hate. What is still ours is our ability to analyze and understand others' thoughts.
You must therefore understand that though we are indebted to others' lives for our daily wisdom, we are ultimately responsible for our actions resulting from it. We cannot be sheep, we cannot just follow. Even if we rely on others' work, we must take the responsibility to make our own choice.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Suidae
For all those non-biology majors and for a large portion of even the biology majors, let me inform you that the title of this post means 'Pig'. Yup I am going to talk about our porky friends. I have been requested to do so by a dear friend, who I know was making fun of me, but challenged me to a write off nonetheless.
I started to think of what I can write of concerning pigs. Well, for one I think that we do them an injustice by associating their name with many negative things. 'Sweat like a pig' is a weird phrase, I've never really seen a pig sweat, and have no idea if the their dermal excretions are abnormally high. Also, the association with filth and dirt. I mean yeah, a pig does get caught with its nose in a garbage can an inordinate number of times, but hey, one man's meat etc. etc.
Most of the times I find pigs slightly snooty. Have you seen a family of pigs running along a street. It looks like Ma pig is out shopping and the procession of youngsters behind her, just give the impression of a cavalcade. What makes them seem snooty I guess is the fact that they don't seem to believe in the need for communication with mankind. While a dog is most happy to display its feelings to us, by barking, snarling or drool grinning (a very unique doggie trait), pigs seem to be content just staring at you. There doesn't even seem to be the slightest curiosity. It seems like a calm patience, but still makes you realise you're not really welcome.
Greed is another of those famous pig characteristics. Pigs really do seem to enjoy their food. I think that just shows hearty well being. Greed? am not so sure.
The pigs in India tend to be dark and hairy. They also seem to adore the outdoors and are frequently seen roaming around streets miles away from any pigpen. The pigs outside in the western world seem slightly more subservient to mankind. Confinement is no problem as long as the grub is good. They also have that pink color that seems to make those little piglets so adorable.
So what do these porkers mean to us then. Not much I think. These seem to be proud animals not really suited for domestication. Not in the way pet owners want them to be. (I have heard pot-bellied pigs do make good pets, but this is in general). Their tie with us is only for the food. Sadly. Because they do seem like animals I would like to know. I am glad toy makers seem to revel in the image of the pig. They do have a fascination for children and child-like adults (namely me). I do not think I would have given so much thought to the pig if it wasn't for my friend's assignment. Makes me think of the other zillions of subjects I haven't thought about.
Thanks be to him, and to you for reading this.
I started to think of what I can write of concerning pigs. Well, for one I think that we do them an injustice by associating their name with many negative things. 'Sweat like a pig' is a weird phrase, I've never really seen a pig sweat, and have no idea if the their dermal excretions are abnormally high. Also, the association with filth and dirt. I mean yeah, a pig does get caught with its nose in a garbage can an inordinate number of times, but hey, one man's meat etc. etc.
Most of the times I find pigs slightly snooty. Have you seen a family of pigs running along a street. It looks like Ma pig is out shopping and the procession of youngsters behind her, just give the impression of a cavalcade. What makes them seem snooty I guess is the fact that they don't seem to believe in the need for communication with mankind. While a dog is most happy to display its feelings to us, by barking, snarling or drool grinning (a very unique doggie trait), pigs seem to be content just staring at you. There doesn't even seem to be the slightest curiosity. It seems like a calm patience, but still makes you realise you're not really welcome.
Greed is another of those famous pig characteristics. Pigs really do seem to enjoy their food. I think that just shows hearty well being. Greed? am not so sure.
The pigs in India tend to be dark and hairy. They also seem to adore the outdoors and are frequently seen roaming around streets miles away from any pigpen. The pigs outside in the western world seem slightly more subservient to mankind. Confinement is no problem as long as the grub is good. They also have that pink color that seems to make those little piglets so adorable.
So what do these porkers mean to us then. Not much I think. These seem to be proud animals not really suited for domestication. Not in the way pet owners want them to be. (I have heard pot-bellied pigs do make good pets, but this is in general). Their tie with us is only for the food. Sadly. Because they do seem like animals I would like to know. I am glad toy makers seem to revel in the image of the pig. They do have a fascination for children and child-like adults (namely me). I do not think I would have given so much thought to the pig if it wasn't for my friend's assignment. Makes me think of the other zillions of subjects I haven't thought about.
Thanks be to him, and to you for reading this.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Randomness
Thoughts range free now. Pretty much at randomness. How much of what we say or write is really our own and not filtered thoughts of others? Is it possible to have an original thought?
It is great to be inspired by words and deeds, it is great to emulate (or is it), but is there a special area where you create the deeds, you inspire the words? Is that what the goal of life should be?
Lots of questions huh? Well when the mind roams in randomness, I still find more questions than answers. I guess the turning point will arrive when the answers take over my brain and surprise me with their clarity.
I think very seriously that that is the ambition of my life. I have tried to reconcile my goals within the parameters of money, fame, charity, virtue. Don't get me wrong, I want all of those in plenty, but the one ambition that is constant, that does not shift or change is that of knowledge. Of original knowledge. Something that is not just an interpretation of other people's words, but an original thought, a private glimpse at the truth.
People want many things in their lifetime and things achieved before they die. Ever since I was a kid I remember that my one wish was that all will be revealed before death. That I will know.
To tell you the truth, this monologue was inspired by the silliest of things. I was going through some of my friends' 'about me' columns on a networking site. So many had quotes from different sources, some credited, some not ( a pretense of ownership?). I cannot help but wonder whether this is incomplete, the act of describing yourself through other people's words. They never knew you. They never went through the many circumstances you alone have faced. One must understand oneself in order to write such things.
I am trying not to be judgmental. And I do understand that what people write in these columns is generally of no importance whatsoever. But I can't help but think, so many experiences, so many perspectives. Maybe it would be one of the greatest things in the world, if everyone could express themselves. Originally.
It is great to be inspired by words and deeds, it is great to emulate (or is it), but is there a special area where you create the deeds, you inspire the words? Is that what the goal of life should be?
Lots of questions huh? Well when the mind roams in randomness, I still find more questions than answers. I guess the turning point will arrive when the answers take over my brain and surprise me with their clarity.
I think very seriously that that is the ambition of my life. I have tried to reconcile my goals within the parameters of money, fame, charity, virtue. Don't get me wrong, I want all of those in plenty, but the one ambition that is constant, that does not shift or change is that of knowledge. Of original knowledge. Something that is not just an interpretation of other people's words, but an original thought, a private glimpse at the truth.
People want many things in their lifetime and things achieved before they die. Ever since I was a kid I remember that my one wish was that all will be revealed before death. That I will know.
To tell you the truth, this monologue was inspired by the silliest of things. I was going through some of my friends' 'about me' columns on a networking site. So many had quotes from different sources, some credited, some not ( a pretense of ownership?). I cannot help but wonder whether this is incomplete, the act of describing yourself through other people's words. They never knew you. They never went through the many circumstances you alone have faced. One must understand oneself in order to write such things.
I am trying not to be judgmental. And I do understand that what people write in these columns is generally of no importance whatsoever. But I can't help but think, so many experiences, so many perspectives. Maybe it would be one of the greatest things in the world, if everyone could express themselves. Originally.
Friday, September 07, 2007
writer's block!
A blank page is the scariest thing for a writer. The potential of that page can scare the living daylights out of anybody. Ideas are scary things too. You believe that there is so much you want to communicate, to tell. To teach, to show, to relive, to vent, to explain, to entertain, to give respect, to show love.
There's so much to talk about, to write about. Emotions under a skin thin surface wait to make themselves known.
What does hold the author back? Fear again. Fear that people don't want to hear you out, that people don't care. Fear of being misunderstood, fear of misinterpretation. Fear is a funny thing, that it can be as much of a motivating factor as that of a constraining one.
I am scared of writing again. After so long. I worry too much. Yet I am scared that the little that I have to tell, the small things that I think are worth other people's attention and opinion, will remain forever inside.
I will change with time, my perspectives and ideas will change. But the feelings I have right now, the truth I sense right now, I don't want it to be lost just because I couldn't communicate it.
Here's to overcoming fear, and celebrating thoughts! In other words, 'I'm back!' for better or worse.
There's so much to talk about, to write about. Emotions under a skin thin surface wait to make themselves known.
What does hold the author back? Fear again. Fear that people don't want to hear you out, that people don't care. Fear of being misunderstood, fear of misinterpretation. Fear is a funny thing, that it can be as much of a motivating factor as that of a constraining one.
I am scared of writing again. After so long. I worry too much. Yet I am scared that the little that I have to tell, the small things that I think are worth other people's attention and opinion, will remain forever inside.
I will change with time, my perspectives and ideas will change. But the feelings I have right now, the truth I sense right now, I don't want it to be lost just because I couldn't communicate it.
Here's to overcoming fear, and celebrating thoughts! In other words, 'I'm back!' for better or worse.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Earth Day is April 22nd
Earth Day is coming up. There will be some publicity leading up to it, I'm sure. Companies will start talking about what they are doing in order to help the environment. Hastily drawn plans will be shown to the public as established conduct. Government agencies will appoint scientific communities to get together and give reports on the conditions of the planet. Non-government agencies will protest the opinions of these scientists and work on scare tactics to get the people moving.
All these things will happen. Everyone will come forth with their opinions and there will be so much talk.
Yet somehow, all this talk every year not only seems to dissipate when the hype dies down, but also to not address many key issues.
I understand that the people in power matter. These are the people who can make decisions regarding their country's stand on the Kyoto Protocol, or whaling or water quality regulations. These are the people who make a difference with the stroke of a pen. It is imperative for a country's future that issues are brought in front of these people. But what about just the common man?
I know that efforts are being made for almost the past 20 years to get the common person involved in ecological conservation. However it seems to me that more than half of what is presented to the public is a smokescreen and the rest is presented on such a large scale that the public cant help but think that the problem is too big for them to do anything about it. Let me explain myself.
The smokescreen bit is done by corporations. Especially corporations that are perceived as commercial polluters or have a product whose identity is tried up with pollution (e.g. oil companies, automotive companies, chemical companies etc.). During certain times of the year, like when Earth Day is nearing, these companies will do their best to show the public all that they do and have done for the environment. Of course I cannot claim that it is all a smokescreen, but there are many companies that trump figures, rustle up spur of the moment ideas, run charity marathons etc. without really putting real effort in their conservation actions.
The other problem I have is that the public is confronted with humongous issues. Global Warming, Ozone Depletion, Rain forest Loss, these are huge things. This globe is complicated and vast, but the human population has become large enough and influential enough to cause huge scale problems in the entire ecosystem. This sounds extremely daunting and leads to the relegation of these issues into a phenomenon which Douglas Adams has so concisely called 'Someone Else's Problem'.
Since we as individuals cannot deal with such a large scale, we think of these problems as solvable only by someone else rather than ourselves. If the issue is not local then that intensifies this feeling.
I think that there is a key to this. Some people are discovering it and using it aptly. It is as essential to think about the whole issue as it is to think about bits and pieces of it. These bits and pieces are not that daunting and can be presented as doable tasks for even the individual. The importance of conservation should not just be presented on the scale of a forest, but also on the scale of tap water while brushing.
People need to be educated about the small things that make a difference. The idea of waste is generally perceived on an immense scale. Why not talk about waste in terms of the number of thermacol glasses? The need of the hour is still education. We have not yet gone past this stage. There are too many things happening on a daily level that lead to immense wastage and go under the radar because of the fact that they are habits.
We are a people addicted to waste. Addicted to oil. Weaning may happen in two ways. We may end up buried in our waste and out of oil and be shocked into adapting. Or we may slowly, gradually rid ourselves of our needs, check into rehab and learn to adapt to newer things and better lifestyles. By the time we run out of oil, we will not need it.
Its our choice, not as nations or organizations, but as individuals.
All these things will happen. Everyone will come forth with their opinions and there will be so much talk.
Yet somehow, all this talk every year not only seems to dissipate when the hype dies down, but also to not address many key issues.
I understand that the people in power matter. These are the people who can make decisions regarding their country's stand on the Kyoto Protocol, or whaling or water quality regulations. These are the people who make a difference with the stroke of a pen. It is imperative for a country's future that issues are brought in front of these people. But what about just the common man?
I know that efforts are being made for almost the past 20 years to get the common person involved in ecological conservation. However it seems to me that more than half of what is presented to the public is a smokescreen and the rest is presented on such a large scale that the public cant help but think that the problem is too big for them to do anything about it. Let me explain myself.
The smokescreen bit is done by corporations. Especially corporations that are perceived as commercial polluters or have a product whose identity is tried up with pollution (e.g. oil companies, automotive companies, chemical companies etc.). During certain times of the year, like when Earth Day is nearing, these companies will do their best to show the public all that they do and have done for the environment. Of course I cannot claim that it is all a smokescreen, but there are many companies that trump figures, rustle up spur of the moment ideas, run charity marathons etc. without really putting real effort in their conservation actions.
The other problem I have is that the public is confronted with humongous issues. Global Warming, Ozone Depletion, Rain forest Loss, these are huge things. This globe is complicated and vast, but the human population has become large enough and influential enough to cause huge scale problems in the entire ecosystem. This sounds extremely daunting and leads to the relegation of these issues into a phenomenon which Douglas Adams has so concisely called 'Someone Else's Problem'.
Since we as individuals cannot deal with such a large scale, we think of these problems as solvable only by someone else rather than ourselves. If the issue is not local then that intensifies this feeling.
I think that there is a key to this. Some people are discovering it and using it aptly. It is as essential to think about the whole issue as it is to think about bits and pieces of it. These bits and pieces are not that daunting and can be presented as doable tasks for even the individual. The importance of conservation should not just be presented on the scale of a forest, but also on the scale of tap water while brushing.
People need to be educated about the small things that make a difference. The idea of waste is generally perceived on an immense scale. Why not talk about waste in terms of the number of thermacol glasses? The need of the hour is still education. We have not yet gone past this stage. There are too many things happening on a daily level that lead to immense wastage and go under the radar because of the fact that they are habits.
We are a people addicted to waste. Addicted to oil. Weaning may happen in two ways. We may end up buried in our waste and out of oil and be shocked into adapting. Or we may slowly, gradually rid ourselves of our needs, check into rehab and learn to adapt to newer things and better lifestyles. By the time we run out of oil, we will not need it.
Its our choice, not as nations or organizations, but as individuals.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
springy thoughts
We of the tropical blood, where seasons don't really change but rather merge into one another, creating a blur of gradual and temperate climate changes, will never quite understand or come to terms with the drama of the seasons here.
Here the weather in each season not only has its unique flavor but it also arrives in a triumphant fashion bringing change of all kinds in its wake.
Spring has arrived, or something like that, since we are still expecting snow. But for all practical purposes, today was the day of cotton tee shirts and short pants. Brilliant sunlight and azure sky. Its been a while since we saw anything but grey and white.
I always wonder about these people who can sense weather. They say the air has a peculiar smell. They differentiate the amount of moisture in the air just through their noses. They can feel a shift in even the minutest temperature. I would love to be able to do that.
I stood today in the blazing sun taking a deep breath of crisp air. It did not feel really different, but maybe I imagined it did. Maybe I imagined that faint scent of lavender. Imagination or not, just a change in weather can hold sway over a person's outlook.
For the first time in many months, I felt a sense of renewal. I am starting to understand what these people in the northern climes feel. Why there are books like 'wind in the willows' and 'all creatures great and small' that extol the virtues of spring. They talk about the burst of fresh vigor, the birth of tiny creatures, the rebirth of the plants and ultimately the rebirth of their souls.
I never understood this sitting in the sweltering heat of a Mumbai summer. There we have just summer and the monsoon. And in the monsoon, when its not raining its as good as its summer.
Both climes have their pros and cons. The smell of wet earth that rises when the first rains hit a parched landscape is just as precious to me as now the feeling of renewal brought on by the warming power of a waxing sun.
I suppose we will always be a product of what is around us.
P.S. I know that world cup has started. I am so bloody excited, but I have no place to watch it! :(
Here the weather in each season not only has its unique flavor but it also arrives in a triumphant fashion bringing change of all kinds in its wake.
Spring has arrived, or something like that, since we are still expecting snow. But for all practical purposes, today was the day of cotton tee shirts and short pants. Brilliant sunlight and azure sky. Its been a while since we saw anything but grey and white.
I always wonder about these people who can sense weather. They say the air has a peculiar smell. They differentiate the amount of moisture in the air just through their noses. They can feel a shift in even the minutest temperature. I would love to be able to do that.
I stood today in the blazing sun taking a deep breath of crisp air. It did not feel really different, but maybe I imagined it did. Maybe I imagined that faint scent of lavender. Imagination or not, just a change in weather can hold sway over a person's outlook.
For the first time in many months, I felt a sense of renewal. I am starting to understand what these people in the northern climes feel. Why there are books like 'wind in the willows' and 'all creatures great and small' that extol the virtues of spring. They talk about the burst of fresh vigor, the birth of tiny creatures, the rebirth of the plants and ultimately the rebirth of their souls.
I never understood this sitting in the sweltering heat of a Mumbai summer. There we have just summer and the monsoon. And in the monsoon, when its not raining its as good as its summer.
Both climes have their pros and cons. The smell of wet earth that rises when the first rains hit a parched landscape is just as precious to me as now the feeling of renewal brought on by the warming power of a waxing sun.
I suppose we will always be a product of what is around us.
P.S. I know that world cup has started. I am so bloody excited, but I have no place to watch it! :(
Friday, February 23, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Morality
I know that this is too big a topic to be talking about on a mere blog post. I don't think that I can write all my thoughts in a mere post, but there is a particular side of this topic that I would like to talk about.
People think less of me because I openly talk about that oh-so-forbidden topic of sex. Don't misunderstand me. I do not belittle or ridicule it. I do not use it to tease or harass others. I am just open about it. The fact that it exists and is probably the most basic and sacred need of humanity.
But people think this openness is amoral. Amoral?? I don't get that. Talking about sex and not being shy to confront it does not make a person amoral. I do not believe that acting coy about the topic, giggling about it or acting shocked at a discussion on sex makes a person (esp. a girl, lets say very esp. an Indian girl) morally superior.
I am now going to make a list of what I believe is actual moral behavior.
Not interfering in peoples' personal lives or ridiculing them because of their personal idiosyncrasies is moral.
Not causing harm to an individual out of vindictiveness, amusement or simply apathy, is moral.
Knowing swear words does not make you amoral. Not understanding the extent to which the use of these words can hurt a person, using them without any provocation, deriding people behind their backs with these words is very amoral.
Empathizing with people, working with them, caring about their needs is moral behavior.
Understanding how powerful an emotion affection and attachment is and never using these to your personal advantage is moral behavior.
Knowing how precious trust and love are. Knowing never to misuse them. That's moral behavior.
Society and people have put up boundaries on acceptable behavior for a reason. It is a way to have discipline while still preserving individuality. However, some norms are outdated and some thoughts are to be rethought.
I do not know what I have accomplished by writing this down. I do not care.
People think less of me because I openly talk about that oh-so-forbidden topic of sex. Don't misunderstand me. I do not belittle or ridicule it. I do not use it to tease or harass others. I am just open about it. The fact that it exists and is probably the most basic and sacred need of humanity.
But people think this openness is amoral. Amoral?? I don't get that. Talking about sex and not being shy to confront it does not make a person amoral. I do not believe that acting coy about the topic, giggling about it or acting shocked at a discussion on sex makes a person (esp. a girl, lets say very esp. an Indian girl) morally superior.
I am now going to make a list of what I believe is actual moral behavior.
Not interfering in peoples' personal lives or ridiculing them because of their personal idiosyncrasies is moral.
Not causing harm to an individual out of vindictiveness, amusement or simply apathy, is moral.
Knowing swear words does not make you amoral. Not understanding the extent to which the use of these words can hurt a person, using them without any provocation, deriding people behind their backs with these words is very amoral.
Empathizing with people, working with them, caring about their needs is moral behavior.
Understanding how powerful an emotion affection and attachment is and never using these to your personal advantage is moral behavior.
Knowing how precious trust and love are. Knowing never to misuse them. That's moral behavior.
Society and people have put up boundaries on acceptable behavior for a reason. It is a way to have discipline while still preserving individuality. However, some norms are outdated and some thoughts are to be rethought.
I do not know what I have accomplished by writing this down. I do not care.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Be careful what you wish for
I sometimes wonder whether the human condition is ruled entirely by desires. Its quite possible. The reigning emotion at any given time in a person's head is a need or a want. Mostly a want, needs are not that pressing.
We want more love, attention, money, clothes, a new stereo (ouch I'm behind times, I meant iPhone), more of everything that makes us feel good. Or maybe not. I know a lot of people (namely me) who seem to want things that make them miserable. The stuff fulfils a want and gives momentary gratification. For some people (me again) that is enough. That is what makes the day pass, that is what makes every night bearable.
I think that that is perhaps because wants and needs aside, fear perhaps is also a competitive reigning emotion. In fact I think fear trumps almost all the time. We fear what we can become. Both good and bad. We fear the pain and stress it takes to do us good, to make us be healthy. We fear vice, but vice can be comforting too. Its easier to fear amiguous good than to fear definite bad.
Our wants and wishes are thus probably misdirected or misguided. We tend to want somthing that seems to be for the best, but is ephemeral. I am not saying all of us are like this. I actually do know some clear thinking people who know what is good for them and stick to it. But for the most of us I think that the line between good and bad is not that clear.
I think that the only quality that can triumph in this mess is courage. That is never easy to come by. We all have a store of it but the weird thing is that to summon courage you first need some of it. A courageous person is the one who can blot out fear from his mind about his own self. Make peace with his wants and clarify his needs. A person who can clearly see the right path and not fear the pain associated with it.
This is difficult. I have just mused on it, just thought about it. I hope I have the courage to do something about it.
We want more love, attention, money, clothes, a new stereo (ouch I'm behind times, I meant iPhone), more of everything that makes us feel good. Or maybe not. I know a lot of people (namely me) who seem to want things that make them miserable. The stuff fulfils a want and gives momentary gratification. For some people (me again) that is enough. That is what makes the day pass, that is what makes every night bearable.
I think that that is perhaps because wants and needs aside, fear perhaps is also a competitive reigning emotion. In fact I think fear trumps almost all the time. We fear what we can become. Both good and bad. We fear the pain and stress it takes to do us good, to make us be healthy. We fear vice, but vice can be comforting too. Its easier to fear amiguous good than to fear definite bad.
Our wants and wishes are thus probably misdirected or misguided. We tend to want somthing that seems to be for the best, but is ephemeral. I am not saying all of us are like this. I actually do know some clear thinking people who know what is good for them and stick to it. But for the most of us I think that the line between good and bad is not that clear.
I think that the only quality that can triumph in this mess is courage. That is never easy to come by. We all have a store of it but the weird thing is that to summon courage you first need some of it. A courageous person is the one who can blot out fear from his mind about his own self. Make peace with his wants and clarify his needs. A person who can clearly see the right path and not fear the pain associated with it.
This is difficult. I have just mused on it, just thought about it. I hope I have the courage to do something about it.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)