Monday, January 09, 2006

my city!!... my mumbai!!!

The past few days have been immeresed in coincidences where I either read about mumbai, meet someone from mumbai, come across a particularly great blog on mumbai or am acutely reminded of my friends who are in mumbai.... as you can see i got mumbai on my mind!!!

When I left mumbai (and yes, I do call it mumbai and not bombay... just that way cos as a maharashtrian have been used to calling it mumbai since i was a kid)... anyway... when I left mumbai I did realise that it would be the one thing I miss. I was just about to get my own freedom so I knew my family would not be missed as much as everyone expects it to be. However, I found out a few new painful things two months into my stay here.

One, I did miss my family. Not really just one person, but just the feeling of family, the feeling of being surrounded by people who have seen you grow and understand how you are who you are... not necessarily approve, but at least understand.

Two, I missed mumbai. Like hell.

OMG! the pain is visceral! I miss its vibrant days, I miss its colours, its smells. I miss its dirty muck filled puddles. I miss bandra east, it was so peaceful, it was like a piece of heaven grafted onto mumbai's body. The heavy, still afternoons, the green rain tree just outside my window, the crows that would come to visit and sit on the balcony talking to me.

I miss the smell of the sea. The mist in the air when you approached juhu beach from the side gullies. I miss golas, consumed with avarice sitting at the katta of our favorite golawaala. I miss being addressed as baby by my dhobi. I miss my panipuriwala. I miss panipuri!!!! I miss swastik sandwichwala in santa cruz!!! I could do a blog dedicated to u dude!!

I miss catching my local every morning. I miss hating the crowds. I miss flying train!!! I miss the walk from marine lines station to xavier's. I miss the 5 rupee book shop. I miss khau galli! I miss stray puppies!!!!!! sooo much!!!!

I miss the woods. I miss philosophizing sitting on the stone benches. I miss coming to college in the morning and going straight up to the mess for breakfast, taking so much time that we eventually never made it to class. I miss burmese toast!!!!

I miss the booksellers at fountain, but then everyone in mumbai misses you now, (note: we need public outrage against their removal!) I miss crossword and oxford..

I miss jug suraiya and swaminathan on sundays. I miss leos and mondies on weekdays! I miss getting wet walking down marine drive. I miss doing lukkhagiri at gateway. I miss sneaking off and seeing every new movie. I miss sterling, regal, eros, new empire, and all those new multiplex thingies in the suburbs! I miss G7!!!!

I miss elaichi chai in that chaiwala's glass! I hate not being able to say "cutting" to the white boy at the counter here who takes my order for darjeeling tea.

I miss bandstand. I miss kayani's, bastani's. I miss asiatic library. I miss the ranicha baug!! I miss the smell of warm earth moistened by the first rain. I miss raincoats.

I miss rover.

I miss rickshaws! oh god I miss rickshaws!

I miss friends. All of them. Each and every one. It sucks that I am here and not down there shotuing my head off with glee and celebrating with beer, cos my good friend adriel just got engaged!!.. god.. I miss you so much

I have made my decision and here I am for better or worse. I may not go back for good. I will visit, but I dont know whether it will be forever. Wherever I go, I will always sense a distance from my real home. I will come to enjoy another city am sure, understand her and live in peace there, but my heart will remain with my mumbai.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

The New Year's blog

Well... was a year I don ever want to go through again. Never. It began by me getting punished for nothing by strangers, consisted of me being held hostage by my own mind and ended by showing me an end to the most precious thing I've ever had.

It showed me an end or it lead me to a beginning. I realize now that that is a choice I must make for myself. We create our own defeats and failures. But in making that statement, I realize that I also imply that we create our own hope and our own victories. By showing me darkness, its brought my attention towards light. By making me realize my weaknesses, its shown me where to improve. By driving me to depression its shown me the necessity of a smile.

All it hasn't given me is the strength. I need to find that myself. I need to seek that out from where its hiding. I hope I can do that. I hope I am strong. I wish I could do more than hope.

However well or badly your year has gone, I hope for you all that the new one is something we will not regret.

The tequila is downed, the friends are gone, now I have just hope.