Thursday, December 29, 2005
purpose
I dont know at what point in life i decided that being mediocre was ok, but I do know that I lead a very mediocre, pointless existence. Most of the times this thought does not even cross my mind and am comfortable in my ignorance. But sometimes it shines through with searing clarity and I just wonder. Is there anything I would ever give my life for? A cause I would be happy fighting for? When I say cause I dont mean some shallow 'save the dolphins' march, but an ideal, a principle. I rarely look inwards, at least rarely do I look deeply. It is too scary, too empty. Darkness is a thing I sometimes encounter. It envelopes me and lulls me wth its heavines. There is nothing comforting about the darkness. It is suffocating and painful. I wonder whether all I need is a purpose. Something to live for. To see with my own two eyes the physical evidence of making a difference (again this is no mushy thing like peace to humanity or saving the world, just the physical evidence that another human being acknowledges my existence and is not entirely unhappy that they met me). Something to define me to describe me.
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6 comments:
I came here because of this ...
"and my love remains with the people who know who they are..."
How can u write that line? It is so very mine, and it is so very mine at this very moment ... and how can I stumble on to your page.. at this moment?
You know it is so strange, that the normal rational guy that I used to think I'm, is still refusing to accept it.
hey ghushe.... its not so very bad to know that other people have the same values you do... and to believe in coincidence is not always a weakness.. i wonder wht u identify with on my page... but am glad someone sees what i see
I feel the same that my existence is mediocre. Am lost every second day but seek solace and wisdom in my books and music.
As for knowing who you are
There was a line I read in a book once "tat vam asi"..."Thou art that".Knowing yourself is the answer to almost every question.
Well that and the beatles.
Loved your space
Shaun. urs is the best comment i'e ever received.. i've wondeed abt the point of blogging a whether its worth my time.. but whenyou get someone who listens.. it puts a meaning on it... abt knowing myself... well.. i think i do know myself... and tht has me scared stiff... but we live with things... as we must live with ourseleves.. gotta make the most of me...
"to believe in coincidence is not always a weakness"
Hmmm... gives me solace. The time I wrote that comment ... I was in the middle of an experience which somehow rendered me less rational. And now I (the changed 'I') see a much more point in what u wrote about. Its like having a third person view of oneself. Seeing that you have vices (ego, weakness, lust, anger) ... and realising it's a truth ... truth as true as say the sky is blue. and "values" is the perfect word for what we share.
true thoughts.... well just live for each day and be happy.
Loved your space.
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